“As Kevin lay in the tunnel, we saw several odd shapes and colors just below the chin area,” Doctor Stephen Jenkins, MRI technician at Massachusetts General Hospital recalled. “When he came out, we put some rubber gloves on and went where no one has ever dared to go: elbow deep into his goatee.”

Doctors removed three empty Samuel Adams Boston Lager bottles and a license plate, among other things. Youkilis offered an explanation to puzzled reporters about how the objects could have gotten there.