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Boston
August 7, 2007
Boston
Welcome to Boston. For those of you who have never been here, this is a good guideline.
There's no school on School Street, no court on Court Street,
no dock on Dock Square, no water on Water Street, and no dairy on Milk Street.
Back Bay streets are in alphabetical "oddah":
Arlington, Berkeley, Clarendon, Dartmouth, etc.
So are South Boston streets: A, B, C, D, etc.
If the streets are named after trees (e.g. Walnut, Chestnut, Cedar),
you're on Beacon Hill.
If they're named after poets, you're in Wellesley.
Cambridge is NOT Boston.
Massachusetts Avenue is called "Mass Ave"; Commonwealth Avenue is "Comm Ave". Dorchester Ave is "Dot Ave"
South Boston is Southie. The South End is the South End.
East Boston is Eastie. The North End is East of the former West End.
The West End and Scollay Square are no more; a guy named Rappaport got rid of them one night. Dorchester
or just plain "Dot"
Definitions:
Frappes have ice cream, milkshakes don't.
If it is fizzy and flavored, it's "tonic".
"Soda" is CLUB SODA.
"Pop" is Dad.
"Tonic water" is Tonic Water.
The smallest beer is a pint.
"Kah-kis" are not trousers, they're what you use to lock and start your vehicle.
Scrod is whatever they tell you it is, usually fish.
If you paid less than $6/pound, you got scrod.
It's not a water fountain; it's a bubblah.
It's not a trashcan; it's a barrel.
It's not a spucky, or a hero, or a grinder, or a hoagie: It's a "SUB".
It's not a "Frank" - it's a "hot dog". Franks are money in France.
Police don't drive patrol units, or black and whites: they drive a "croozah".
It's not a rubber band, it's an elastic.
It's not a traffic circle, it's a rotary.
"Going to the islands" means Martha's Vineyard & Nantucket.
The Pats = The Patriots
The Sox = The Red Sox
The C's = The Celtics
The B's = The Bruins
Things not to do:
Don't pahk your cah in Hahvid Yahd ... they'll tow it.
Don't sleep in the Common.
Don't wear Orange in Southie on St. Patrick's Day.
Don't wear a Yankees hat (or t-shirt, or jacket, or anything) anytime, anywhere. EVER!!!
Things you should know:
There are two State Houses, two City Halls, two
courthouses, two Hancock buildings (one old, one new for each).
The colored lights on top the old Hancock tell the weathah:
"Solid blue, clear view...."
"Flashing blue, clouds due...."
"Solid red, rain ahead...."
"Flashing red, snow instead...." - (except in summer;
when flashing red means the Red Sox game was rained out)
Route 128 is also I-95 south. It's also 93 north. And there are no signs that say 128.
St. Patrick's Day is a major holiday. Everything is closed: Boston Public schools, banks, BOston City offices, etc. PEOPLE DRINK ALOT
The underground train is not a subway. It's the "T".
No one goes "To Cape Cod", We go "down the Cape".
There is no where to park. Anywhere. Take the "T".
Order the "cold tea" in Chinatown after 2:00 am you'll get a pitcher full of beer.
Three straight days of 90 temperatures is a heat wave.
Six inches of snow is a "light dusting."
Bostonians...always "bang a left" as soon as the light turns green, and oncoming traffic always expects it.
Bostonians...know that everything is about "a five-minute walk."
Bostonians...believe that using your turn signal is a sign of weakness.
Bostonians...think that 63-degree ocean water is warm.
How to say these Massachusetts city names correctly:
Worcester: Wuhstah
Gloucester : Glaw-stah
Leicester: Lestah
Woburn: Woo-burn
Dedham : Dedim
Revere: Re-vee-ah
Haverhill: Hayve-rill
Quincy: Quinzee
Weymouth: Way-mith
Peabody: Peabutty
Waltham : Wall-tham
Chatham: Chattum
Winchester: Winnchestah
And finally...
NO ONE who lives here EVER calls it "Beantown" its called BOSTON
-Christie
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