sportsgal	Female SOMERVILLE, MA
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          While news gathering for Patsheads.com, I came across a piece entitled “Best and Worst of Yesterday’s Game,” written by the Boston Herald staff. This headline serves the story pretty literally, as the Herald writers simply examined last night’s New England Patriots game to award certain plays and players these “Best and Worst” titles.  Since I enjoyed this piece so much I thought I’d write something for all you Sawxheads in the same spirit, only for last night’s Red Sox game.  

          I suppose a straightforward, Herald-esque approach might be to say “Best: The Sox can still win the series tonight at Fenway; Worst: M*$#r f*#&ing Angels of Ana-RAAAH! F#$ck F#$ck F#$CK!!!” but I think that most of you know me better than to assume that I would ever do things the in a “simple” or “straightforward way.”

BEST REALIZATION THAT CERTAIN BASEBALL TRADITIONS ARE SILLY: When thousands of angry Red Sox fans were stuck on the Massachusetts Bay Transportation Authority’s variously colored train lines with brooms, and nothing to sweep. I’ve heard that area hospitals received an overwhelming number of Angels fans at their Emergency Room doors in the wee hours of Monday morning.  When one Beth Israel Deaconess nurse, name preferably kept anonymous, saw a fourth LA fan get rolled through the doors—laying on his stomach on the stretcher—she remarked, “Is that a broom shoved up his-” before she fainted.

WORST SOX JINX: This goes to TBS announcers Buck Martinez and Chip Caray. All of us in Red Sox Nation are aware of the fact that the Angels had never beaten our Boston boys in 11 postseason games; therefore, hearing you mention this statistic over and over ad nauseum brings us no comfort. Rather, it only makes us sit forward in our chairs and scream “SHUT UP SHUT UP!” at the TV because sports fans know that streaks are set to be broken.

WORST OFFENSIVE PERFORMANCE BY AN ANGEL IN POSTSEASON HISTORY: Last night’s effort by Mike Napoli was nothing short of stupid. The Los Angeles catcher not only went yard on Josh Beckett twice, he also set up Erick Aybar’s go ahead RBI by ringing up Javier Lopez for a leadoff single. It might sound like I’m describing a brilliant outing for Napoli, but since I’m 100% Boston biased; I’m calling it uglier than Jered Weaver.

BEST DEFENSIVE PERFORMANCE BY THE ANGELS IN POSTSEASON HISTORY: How about that marvelous miscommunication in the outfield by Angels second baseman Howie Kendrick and center fielder Torii Hunter? As I watched Jacoby Ellsbury pop up with men on base, I clasped my hands together and directed my usual prayer toward the TV as I do on any presumed fly out by the Sox: “Drop it, drop it, DROP IT!” To my shock, none of the Angels even came close enough to the ball to biff it, and Ellsbury made history with the first ever postseason three-run single.

I was reminded of those old Guinness commercials: “BRILLIANT!”

BEST IMITATION OF THE 2007 WORLD SERIES CHAMPION RED SOX: I guess I’ll give this one to Los Angeles. We’re all very flattered with their impression of our team—I’m sure it will be a fun night for the Angels to reminisce about while they’re taking tee times with each other tomorrow.

         Sawxheads: These are the only honors I have time to hand out as of right now, but I’d love to read the gems that I know you can come up with. Let’s hear ‘em!