SawxFawx	Female 21 years old WINCHESTER, MA
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            You are what you eat, and last night, the Red Sox feasted on a Thanksgiving dinner of epic proportions. The banquet resulted in 19 runs to a Texas 17, and in the end, everyone was stuffed. What was on the menu you ask? The Feldman hors dourves were hand passed on a silver platter, catered specifically to the voracious David Ortiz, devouring 6 servings of brisket and potato latkes. The mango salsa and blue corn chips would have to wait another day for Big Papi, because this meshuga was cooking up a storm. Pedroia, J.D. Drew, and Jed Lowrie preferred Scott’s matzo ball soup, gefilte fish, and engorged themselves with his fastball-Challah. 10 runs to the buffet not enough? Feldman reluctantly hung around for 2 more minutes, just so he could whip up some strawberry Hamantaschens for the well-behaved kiddies, Youkilis and Pedroia. How sweet it is.

The appetizer specialties of Chef Josh Rupe were next on the menu, as he dished out his hometown Virginia favorites: Johnny cakes, slapjacks, and pickled onions. But the Red Sox suddenly found themselves in a pickle of their own, as rookie Charlie Zink tossed up quite the knuckleball cobb salad, with some fish tacos on the side. Yikes. The lone Rangers were starving, but it didn’t take long for Ron Washington’s crew to get their daily dose of vitamins A, B, and Zink.

Halfway through the celebration, the crooked numbers on the left-field wall seemed to imply that the game ought to be played at Gillette Stadium rather than the Fens, but the family war-fare was far from over.

After the gluttonous Ranger hitters engorged themselves on combined efforts of Chef Aardsma/Lopez, I started to run out of analogous cuisines to even begin to explain what I was watching. It was an absolute free-for-all, kind of like that monstrously unruly food fight your frat brothers started at 3AM in the basement of your chapter house back in college (you know EXACTLY what I’m talking about MarylandBeingMaryland). I’m a dessert girl myself, ice cream being my number 1 weakness.

So I digress (I had to think of something while all of this nonsense was going on—the ADD sports reporter at her best).

When I was little, my parents would take my family out to dinner a lot. My father was a restaurant man himself, so the five of us were a very well behaved bunch. I was (still am) the jokester of the bunch, and would try to scratch and claw my way into getting any dessert privilege I wanted, and even once had to SPELL the word d-e-s-s-e-r-t in order to get my nightly fix. I would say things like, “Hey Mommy! I’m all done with my dinner, and my meal jars are all full, but my dessert jar is still open!!” Laugh it up, I was quite clever. For the 3^rd grade Holiday recital at my elementary school, our assignment was to memorize and recite a poem, then regurgitate it to our jaded, disinterested parents. Can you guess what this painfully overenthusiastic girl picked? Shel Silverstein’s excessively absurd poem Bleezer’s Ice Cream, which goes a little something like this:

I am Ebenezer Bleezer,
 I run BLEEZER'S ICE CREAM STORE,
 there are flavors in my freezer
 you have never seen before.
 Twenty-eight divine creations
 too delicious to resist,
 why not do yourself a favor,
 try the flavors on my list:

 COCOA MOCHA MACARONI
 TAPIOCA SMOKED BALONEY
 CHECKERBERRY CHEDDAR CHEW
 CHICKEN CHERRY HONEYDEW.

 TUTTI-FRUTTI STEWED TOMATO
 TUNA TACO BAKED POTATO
 LOBSTER LITCHI LIMA BEAN
 MOZZARELLA MANGOSTEIN.

 ALMOND HAM MERINGUE SALAMI
 YAM ANCHOVY PRUNE PASTRAMI
 SASSAFRAS SOUVLAKI HASH
 SUKIYAKI SUCCOTASH.

 BUTTER BRICKLE PEPPER PICKLE
 POMEGRANATE PUMPERNICKEL
 PEACH PIMENTO PIZZA PLUM
 PEANUT PUMPKIN BUBBLEGUM.

 BROCCOLI BANANA BLUSTER
 CHOCOLATE CHOP SUEY CLUSTER
 AVOCADO BRUSSELS SPROUT
 PERIWINKLE SAUERKRAUT.

 COTTON CANDY CARROT CUSTARD
 CAULIFLOWER COLA MUSTARD
 ONION DUMPLING DOUBLE DIP
 TURNIP TRUFFLE TRIPLE FLIP.

 GARLIC GUMBO GRAVY GUAVA
 LENTIL LEMON LIVER LAVA
 ORANGE OLIVE BAGEL BEET
 WATERMELON WAFFLE WHEAT.

 I am Ebenezer Bleezer,
 I run BLEEZER'S ICE CREAM STORE,
 taste a flavor from my freezer,
 you will surely ask for more.

I belted every single line extra loud—my voice could’ve been heard over the bullpen band. Easily. My parents were mortified; laughing as tears of bewilderment streamed down their faces. What can I say? I really really like ice cream. The last line was the best: I transformed my prepubescent yelping into a swanky jazz club owner, reminding his faithful patrons to tip their bartenders and wrap-it-up on a frisky Saturday night.

Hey, I was a cool cat in 3^rd grade. Still am.

Okay, enough of that… back to the issue at hand.

With 7 more runs on the board, and last minute heroics by the mench Kevin Youkilis (Jewish word for a gentleman), I searched for poetic justice to illustrate this free-for-all. So how ‘bout it Youk? We all know that the entrée’s and cheese platters were scratched after the 7^th inning — so fast forward to dessert. Was it the Garlic Gumbo Gravy Guava that you sent flying into the Sports Authority sign? Or perhaps the Sassafras Soulvaki Hash was more of your thing. I’ll leave this one up to Sawxheads Nation to decide.

Oy gevault. I’m full. Pass me another hamantaschen? My dessert jars are still open - I’ve always been a fiend for the saccharine.

 I just can’t get enough of that sweet, sweet victory.