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You know you've been in Iraq too long if...
September 9, 2008
You know you've been in Iraq too long if...
If in General
You start to think "it's not so bad here".
You say "this place sort of grows on you".
You say, "It feels cooler today" and find out that the temperature is 110.
The term "trailer trash" is a term of endearment.
You call your pod 'home'.
You get excited at the idea of ICE. ypu kiss your wife and kids picture ever night and everyday to make sure that you feel connected to them at the start and end of EVERY day without fail.
You cry yourself to sleep stressing about things you have no control over in the real world. your hands are tied and you know there is nothing you can physically do.
Armaments
You don't jump when a door slams or someone drops something.
You aren't alarmed when every second person you see has a gun . . . or two.. ..or three.
You kick the M-16 on the floor aside without a second thought when you sit down to eat in the Dining Facility.
A Glock or 9 mm on a man or lady's hip is considered routine.
You can measure distances based on explosion sounds.
When a "Red Alert" sounds and you're leaving a DFAC, you rather go back in and have more coffee instead of seeking shelter in a bunker somewhere.
You know the difference in sound between "incoming" and "outgoing"
Entertainment
You get excited at the prospect of seeing the latest gun camera videos $5 for a DVD is a little pricey...especially if there is only one movie on it.
If you can't find a new movie a day after it is released in theatres state side you are disappointed.
Travel
You are soothed by the sounds of helicopters flying six feet over your trailer.
Bullet holes in cars are no longer alarming.
Car selections consist of "hard" or "soft", not Cadillac or Mercedes.
Road trips consist of 6 v ehicles and large caliber weapons.
You haven't prayed so hard and so long before your trip on a routine 30 minute trip to makeit to your destination intact.
Driving on the sidewalk is normal.
Driving on the wrong side of a divided four lane street is normal.
Hit-and-run fender benders are treated as mere warnings.
Your carry-on luggage includes a flack jacket and helmet.
If they had had one, you would have paid every dollar you had in your wallet for a bottle of frozen water one very long day at BIAP.
Hygiene
You enjoy waiting 45 minutes for the toilets to refill.
It's ok to brush your teeth with the brown water that comes out of the faucets.
KBR buzz cuts begin to look stylish (even on girls).
Flies don't even hang around the truck drivers
You have your own roll of toilet paper stashed in your tent/office.
A shower with water that is neither too cold nor too hot and contains no mosquitoes is a priceless unattainable luxury.
Surroundings
"Texas Walls" are something other than a device to keep Texans out.
"Jersey Walls" are something other than fences to keep Holsteins away from Jerseys .
You get excited with the presence of clouds.
You know ten times as many South Africans as you've ever known before.
Dining
Boiled steak, chicken, or other meats don't taste that bad
Powdered eggs taste ok.
You consider plastic ware the Palace China.
You can distinguish inherent qualities of various plastic utensils.
Having to separate plastic plates causes you undue stress.
Lettuce for your salad becomes a luxury.
You believe that bacon and ham should be grey in color.
No matter what animal you are eating, it will be flavored with curry.
Scamming a 3rd can of soda makes you feel like you got even with someone.
Going to another mess hall is an adventure.
Putting Thousand Islands on your hamburger bun instead of
mayo/mustard/catsup is normal.
You automatically pick up two plastic forks whenever beef is on the menu at the DFAC
You accept the fact that fajitas do not require tortillas
You have ever considered leaving for a brownie and some milk during a mortar attack.
Fashion
You think desert combat boots look great with shorts.
Sand between your thong sandals actually feels good.
The color white is no longer an option.
Speedos for security guards seem right.
You can recognize 12 different camouflage patterns.(shrubbery, dirt clods, upholstery, clown print, throw up, giraffe print, sand storm, desert sunset, pebbles, rocks, carabineer)
T-shirt sizes at the PX are: M, L, XL, XXL & KBR
Living Conditions
You get a big smile when you see your pressed clothes at the laundry.
You get a bigger smile knowing they didn't lose your laundry.
You get the biggest smile when you get back someone else's laundry and now you have more underwear then before.
You think the bullet holes in the roof of your trailer are just another form of ventilation.
You get upset because the post office won't ship your looted artifacts.
You haven't had water from anything other than a bottle for months on end.
You consider broken sandbags just a new beach expansion.
The idea of a double wide is only for the fortunate or very powerful.
Forgetting your military ID makes you feel naked...but pants are optional.
A bootleg of the new stateside release is not available at the PX 2 days later.
"Only one rocket has hit the camp" is excellent news.
Communications
Stars & Stripes seems to be a liberal newspaper.
Acronyms become the acceptable language.
It feels normal to have to run outside to make a phone call.
"Can you hear me" takes up 50% of your telephone conversations.
Your conversations with co-workers are sprinkled with "Roger that" and "Good copy"
Everybody has already heard your "war" stories.
You begin to wonder why you haven't gotten a tattoo.
The Triple Canopy guards all know your first name.
-Farrow~~RSM~~
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