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We're rabid, like a pack of wolves
June 27, 2008
See what happens?! The Sox don't play and everyone gets crazy like in some B Zombie movie where the makeup is so-so, the special effects are matchbox cars getting melted by BIC lighters, and the production staff is in disarray because the actors are...wait for it...actually gnawing each others faces off.
..Welcome to off-days around the blogosphere. Specifically, Sawxheads.
Instead of laughing or making jokes, or you asking that really cute girl if you can play a game called 'Just the tip' for a few minutes, we decide to tear apart Red Sox players - and then tear apart each other.
Pretty weak. Who are we? Rangers fans?! Die-hards for the Kansas City Royals?! We're mother-flippin' BOSTON RED SOX FANS, folks! We need to start acting like it..because, right now, I see a gigantic barrel of hate and it's about to be poured all over us.
We're already scorned across the country, don't believe me? Ask an Orioles fan how much fun it is to hang out with a Sox fan after about seven beers. Ask them to be honest with you, they'll happily tell you.
To skewer J.D. Drew like he's a Shrimp-ka-bob is absolutely ridiculous. Before you post a blog, open a new tab in your browser, go to ESPN.com, Baseballprospectus.com, baseballreference.com, or redsox.com and check the stats page. Type in, or find J.D. Drew's name, then view said statistics. From there, get up from your computer, walk to the nearest oak table. Proceed to bash your skull into said table until you can't feel feelings anymore. If that doesn't work, take your entire hand, and close it in heaviest door in your domicile. Proceed to do this until you can no longer type, this will cease all incessant chatter about nonsensical things such as J.D. Drew 'sucking it up'.
Now - to everyone else. Lets start acting like Red Sox fans with a little character. We need to find creative ways to show our superiority as the Greatest Fans on Earth. Maybe some sort of PPV event, almost like a wrestling or boxing match - we could have a 'Bandwagon Battle Royal' where the winner receives a free life-time membership to Red Sox Nation*
The main event could put Rev. Ron against any number of challangers, with Irish Whitey guest reffereeing.
Scoobs and I could handle the backstage interviews and promo spots..while Blondy could do the announcing in the ring. I think it's a fantastic idea.
Plus, on the undercard we could have Big Pupi square off against Yankee's dogs. The winner receives KFC Giftcards for the rest of their animal lives.
What do you say? Sawx heads? Do you think I might as well fire up the ole' rotary phone and give Don King a quick phone call??!
Oh yeah, by the way -- there is a Red Sox game tonight..in a town that's full of it's own turmoil.
Let me know..until then, resuming radio silence..
* (A Corporate Entity owned by the Boston Red Sox)
-Moooooo
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